This is my first ever mixtape i did together with my two friends Pontus and Mats 23 years ago. The year was 1994 and we had just discovered rave gatherings. We called our dj-team for Toxomniac.
I went to my first techno part together with my friend Pontus in the summer of 1993. It was in an old warehouse called "Den Grå Hallen" in Copenhagen.
To get to Copenhagen, Denmark you first had to take the train to Malmö and then cross Öresund sea by ferry. That in itself was quite a journey and took a couple of hours. Finally in Copenhagen we where using the map on the back of the flyer to find our way.
I remember that I could hear the music long before we reach the venue.
Coming through the entrance I was overwhelemd by a loud soundsystem. I could feel the bass vibrating in my body.
High sealing and concrete floor.
There where already a lot of people dancing. The smoke mashine was working hard and so was the stroboscope lights. I didn't know how to dance to the music and since I was shy I thought the safest thing was to go stand in a corner and observe.
The first thing I noticed was that people were not dancing towards each other but they where facing the speakers. This was new to me.
After some time I took the courage and started dancing. In the beginning it felt kind of weird just standing there by my self dancing/jumping to this hypnotic music. But after a while it felt good and I could relax a bit. It actually felt nice to face the speakers instead of some other person.
Around 04.00, after a few hours of dancing I was getting tired both mentally and physically. I tried to find some place to sit down but there where no chairs or anything. I wanted to go home and sleep. But I couldn't because there where no ferries to take me back to Sweden at this hour. So I had no other choice than to dance. I pushed myself and started dancing again. It was tough at the beginning but suddenly my tiredness disappeared! And the more I dance the more energy I got. It was almost as if the body was dancing by itself!
As I told you, I was a very shy person back then and I was also very afraid of eye contact.
I had been dancing next to a girl for some hours. We where both deep into the music. We got eye contact and smiled at eachother. Wow! I felt so much joy and happiness by this short contact and it had nothing to do with flirting. It was something else! And all around me there was these beautiful and happy people dancing, and they where all smiling and enjoying themselves! All my fears and shyness where melting away and was replaced by a wonderful feeling of joy and happiness!
It felt like I was taking part of some sacred and holy ritual, and I believe I was!
I had not been drinking any alcohol and I had not used any psychoactive substance. It was all coming from myself!
I had never experienced anything like this before and I was in a trance! Totally hypnotized by the music and the dancing.
So now I was standing here in this old warehouse building and I was definitely on a journey. A journey into myself… and beyond my fears!
I looked up towards the dj and in that moment I knew what I wanted to do in my life… I want to be the one who played the music and created the journey for the dancers.
It was in this moment I decide to become a dj.
I am very thankful for this experience… it really helped me to let go of some of my fears and to connect to other people in a way that I had never done before! Thank you Rave! :)
I believe that rave is the modern society's way of expressing the dance ritual. The ritual that we human beings have been doing since the beginning of time. Using the ritual to connect to something greater and to heal ourselves. I also believe that the ritual is an important part of humanity.
I wish you all an amazing journey <3
When using modern entheogens it can be helpfull to have some guidelines when traveling deeper into conciousness. Download link below. These pages are taken from the book "Through the gateway of the heart". Written by Ralph Metzner and Sophia Adamson. This was origanyl written for MDMA terapy. Travel safe!