The inner journey, outer journey.
It all started when I got health problems in stomach and wrists back in 2005.
I was living an unhealthy lifestyle. Every day in the studio, without much exercise and unhealthy diet.
I went to the doctors for help. They could not find what was wrong with me. They did many tests and gave me pills to ease the pain. But it did not solve the root problem. I was going from doctor to doctor during a year. Nothing really helped and nobody spoke of the inside and how that worked. When I stopped taking the pills they gave me, the pains was coming back.
A friend gave me a tip about an Indian Ayur Veda book. In this book was some meditation and yoga exercises. I changed my diet and started using the meditation and yoga exercises daily.
To my happy suprice it helped! After only few days of daily meditation and yogic exercises my health problems started to decrease.
The meditation and inner work made me realize a lot about myself and how the mind and psyche worked. The root of all the physical problems was coming from deeper layers of my being. The inside imbalances gives symptoms on the gross physical body. Such as wrist and stomach pains.
I also found many connections in the meditation linked to my experiences during my rave years in the begining of the 90’s.
I used to dance 10-12 hours non stop during raves. Without any psychoactive substances or alcohol (and I still do dance that long.. if the music is good). This made me connect to a higher state of consciousness and to my true Self. I was not familiar with these terms at that time.
I have always felt drawn to mystical experiences during all those years of raving. It felt like I was taking part in some sort of ritual and sacred space.
What we called Rave was more than just dance music for me. It was the age old dance ritual that we humans have been taking part in since the dawn of time. Dancing to hypnotic drumming and entering into trance states and working on our inside. A sacred dance ceremony. A place in the modern society and it's structures was not controling. A space where we could let go of our daily lives that was govern by these structures.
Rave was that sacret space for me and where i came in contact with my Self.
So, when I read the book about meditation and started doing daily yoga exercises I found that place within myself again. The same place I had been experiencing doing my rave dancing.
This made me even more interested in exploring meditation and the deeper layers of the psyche.
I started going to yoga class every day. And after a few weeks all my physical problems was gone. Feeling more alive an healthy than ever before. Reading lot’s of esoteric books in various traditions and religions.
I had a burning passion for meditation and what you could do with it, and how you could change yourself. I tried many different meditation and yoga techniques from various traditions and systems. Testing it all on myself to observe it’s effects. Writing a journal to analyze what was happening and keeping track of the results.
It helped me out of my health problems and convinced me there was much more to be discovered in healing and balancing oneself. Compassion and kindness towards oneself and others.
The approach to music also changed and it became even more important for me to express the music from my true place.
I discovered one particular yoga system that resonated with me.
The Tibetan yoga (Trul Khor). An ancient yoga system connected to the Bön tradition that was used in Tibet before buddhism. Used by tibetan yogis for thousands of years. But it was kept secret up until very recent times.
I was fascinated by these yogis who lived in caves of the Himalayas. Completely secluded from the rest of the world and the modern society. I found some rare videos online about it (see bellow). I also found two Tibetan teacher who was teaching this system in the west. Chogyal Namkhai Norbu and Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche.
The secluded life of the tibetan yogis inspired me. I got an idea to build a studio in the middle of the forest and combining these esoteric practices with the expression of music. To create a whole new lifestyle and live more close to nature. Without the influence from modern society and it’s patriarchal structures and industrialization.
In 2008 I realized my dream and bought a house in the forest and build the studio and meditaion/yoga house there.
The Minilogue album ”Blomma” was created from that place.
In order to express yourself and your heart’s uniqueness, you need to clean youselves from the ego structures. The unconscious. By the use of these esoteric practices that has been used for thousands of years you will be able to do that. To individualize yourself.
But it is not an easy journey. And to seclude yourself from the rest of the world is not for everyone. You have to face your unconscious and work hard in order to liberate yourself from it. In that journey you will also meet with the collective unconscious and the human archetypes and the opposites. Masculine and feminine. Both within as without.
It is easy to get lost and without a master or someone who has gone the path before you it can be dangerous and take you to places you do not want to go.
So you need the right set of tools in order to navigate.
I practiced meditation and yoga daily for many years. Sometimes a few hours a day. And sometimes doing my own retreats that was lasting for many days. Meditation from morning to night. The tibetan yogis and teachers was giving me inspiration. I eventually took a meditation and yoga teacher training program.
But where was the western yoga and esoteric teachings? I went all the way to the east to find many esoteric tools and gods and goddesses and traditions and systems. I read many books and found many teachers. I practiced it all. I was living it.
But the symbols and images I was seeing inside of myself was not described in the eastern systems.
Since I was born in Sweden and came into this world through the current collective unconscious structures of a western civilization, I could not truly find any of the eastern esoteric teachings to give me answers to what I had inside. The collective unconscious in the east is different. And it speaks in another symbolic language than what I was brought up in.
I came across Carl Gustav Jung and his psychology. The science of the soul. Psyche is latin and meaning soul. He was speaking of the collective unconscious and it's symbols from the western structure.
He was a Gnostic, and this lead me back to the esoteric of the west.
It is one thing to speak intellectually about these matters. It is another thing to live from these understandings. You have to live by it and test it on your self. Be your own doctor and scientist. Your own Guru. In order to have your own experience. How else will you know what is truth for you?
During these past 12 years I have been living this lifestyle. And besides giving much of my attention to the inner work I have also been expressing my journey into music.
I wish to share this tibetan meditation technique that has been very useful in my esoteric practise.
There are thousands of different meditation techniques to be used. And they all have different effects on your being. I find this one to be very useful.
Love and kindness <3